I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
