Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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