I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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