You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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