If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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