Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
