who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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