Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize