I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
