I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
