Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
