i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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