U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
