I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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