I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize