so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
