Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
