I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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