Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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