Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
