I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i dont even know how to be here
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I can't put those talents on a resume
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Randomize