I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
