on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
