We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
