Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
