And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
