Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
