you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
