you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
