I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
