His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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