Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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