I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
