There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
