i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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