ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
