2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize