I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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