Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
