it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
