K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
