You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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