And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
We need to rekindle our bromance
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
