I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
