We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
