I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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