How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
