i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
