Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
