I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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