so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize