I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
