TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
