I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
