I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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