So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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