I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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