If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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