i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
