he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
