Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
