I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize