doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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