Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
