So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
