im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize