So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
